It’s a Saturday afternoon, and you’re on your second date with the guy you met a couple of weeks ago. A few months in, you’re still dating, and everything is good! Then suddenly “poof”, messages die out and there are no more texts or replies from your date. Is it normal these days to be ghosted, and if so when did it become a norm?

Ghosting: The Basics

When it comes to ghosting, there are two people: the ghoster and ghostee. While we can be ghosted at any point while dating, one of the worst times is when a relationship is going well and you’re doing long distance. Many of my friends have been ghosted before, and they have ghosted others as well. Each of them probably has a unique story to tell, which begs the question “why do we even ghost people in the first place?”

It’s just an excuse to avoid confrontation in the first place. Ghosting someone is like throwing away the entire relationship you’ve worked on forming with someone. It’s the same as taking tons of time to bake a beautiful cake, but never eating it. Just because you get bored of someone, does that mean you don’t show them respect either? Ghosting is almost always intentional. What else could it be: an accident, just a little oopsie? The only exception I can see is if the person you are in a relationship with is a crazy crazy crazy person. But note that’s 3 times the crazy! No matter how much I try to think of it from the ghoster’s point of view, I can’t wrap my head around them not being straightforward with the person they’re in a relationship with. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, to play devil’s advocate and put myself their shoes, but I can’t seem to do it. I guess their shoes just aren’t the right size for me.

Dear ghosters,

Grow a spine, straighten up and take ownership of your actions. Ignoring and avoiding calls is not the way out of a relationship. Understand that we all have feelings and are not a pile of garbage waiting to be thrown away. We matter! Tell us what you want to say - sure it will sting at first, but it won’t haunt or hurt us for years to come.

Dear ghostees,

If you’ve been ghosted before, forget about them. You don’t need that bad energy and negativity in your life. You are better than them because at least you have a strong spine and can speak your mind. Give it time, you’ll find the partner you deserve. Always take it as a warning: if your partner has ghosted people in the past, they will probably ghost you too. As much as I want to be positive, people like them won’t change till they grow a spine. But if they couldn’t take the time to send a simple text or make a two-minute call, how will they ever do that?

You’re not alone, I’m here.

Yours truly,

sunshine

Keep smiling and laugh away!